Category Archives: Teaser

BLOG TOUR ~ If You Were Mine by Melanie Harlow

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If You Were Mine, an all-new sexy and emotional standalone from USA Today Bestselling author Melanie Harlow is now available!

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If You Were Mine

by Melanie Harlow

Genre: Contemporary Romance


Theo MacLeod wasn’t supposed to be the one.

Tall, dark and handsome suits me just fine, but the cocky grin, know-it-all attitude, and mammoth ego? No thanks. I only hired him so I wouldn’t have to sit at the singles table again. It was just pretend.

He wasn’t supposed to kiss me.

My heart wasn’t supposed to pound.

We weren’t supposed to spend the night together—the hottest night of my life.

One night turns into a snowed-in weekend away, and even the blizzard of the century can’t cool the fire between us. I can’t get enough—of his smile, of his body, of the way he makes me feel.

We’re nothing alike. He’s a daredevil, and I’m a nervous Nellie. He’s a drifter, and I want to put down roots. He’s an opportunist with a checkered past, and I’m a Girl Scout volunteer.

But none of it matters when I’m in his arms.

I know he’s made mistakes. I know his wounds are deep, and he doesn’t trust easily. I know he doesn’t believe he could ever be enough to make me happy, but he could.

All he has to do is stay.


Excerpt:

A guy in a black leather jacket set a coffee cup down on the table and sat opposite me.

I looked over at him, feeling slightly awkward since I’d have to tell him he couldn’t sit there. He was handsome, with warm brown eyes and short dark hair, but he wasn’t Fred. “I’m sorry, I’m waiting for someone,” I said. “But I can move.”

To my surprise, he smiled confidently. “Claire, right? I’m Fred.”

I screwed up my face. “You can’t be. Fred has blond hair and blue eyes. I saw his picture.”

He laughed, almost condescendingly. “I don’t use my real picture, Claire. People are crazy.”

What? This made no sense. “I don’t understand. How can you advertise yourself with someone else’s photo? Don’t women get mad when you show up?”

He shrugged, his grin turning a little cocky. “Haven’t had any complaints so far.”

Actually, he was more attractive than the photo he’d used online—more rugged and masculine, with his scruffy jaw, big shoulders, and brawny chest. Meeting the real Fred was kind of like ordering the chicken piccata and being brought the Porterhouse, which hadn’t even been on the menu.

But that wasn’t the point.

(And I’d described someone completely different to Elyse.)

“So, what, you use a fake photo to lure potential clients and then you set up the coffee meeting to check them out first?” I asked indignantly.

“Wouldn’t you?” He shrugged out of his jacket. “It’s a scary world out there.”

I crossed my arms, sitting up tall. “No! That’s a scam. I don’t like scammers.”

“No, it isn’t. I don’t take any money from them. I don’t even talk to them, I just leave.”

Frowning, I said, “That doesn’t seem right to me. These people are willing to pay you to hang out with them and probably feel bad enough about themselves already, and you just walk out without even giving them a chance?”

He shrugged. “Look, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve only walked off a job once, and that was because I thought I recognized the woman. I prefer to keep my personal and professional identities separate. That’s fair, isn’t it?”

Professional identity? He was a rent-a-date! I shook my head in disbelief. “Is your name even Fred?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes,” I snapped. “How am I supposed to know what to call you?”

He grinned as he leaned toward me and lowered his voice. “Call me anything you want. You’re the boss.”

Was he flirting with me or making fun of me? I cleared my throat and pressed my knees tighter together. “I’d like to call you by your actual name, please. Bad enough I have to pay someone to play my fake boyfriend. I’d like something to be real, at least.”

He held his eyes steady on mine for a moment. I felt like he was sizing me up, trying to decide if he could trust me, so I stared right back without blinking. If anyone at this table was trustworthy, it was me.

“Theo,” he said quietly, his eyes dropping to my lips for the merest fraction of a second. “My name is Theo.”

There. Was that so hard? I smiled at him before picking up my latte.“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Theo.”

“What, you’re just going to believe me? You’re much too trusting, Claire. I bet people take advantage of you.”

I set the cup back down on the saucer with an angry clank. “Is your name Theo or not?”

“Shhh, it is, it is,” he said, laughing. Then he glanced over his shoulder like he was in the fucking CIA. “But I don’t give that out to just anyone. You should feel special.”


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BLP REVIEW ~ Tracy

I love, Love, LOVE this series!! Melanie Harlow knows just how to write an engaging, well developed and heart-tugging story.

When our leading couple first met it to set up a one evening gig – he was to be her ‘partner’ at a wedding to save face after she kinda made up a boyfriend when put on the spot. One night becomes much more more but can Theo overcome his past, learn to trust and believe that there is someone who will love him for him?!

If You Were Mine was a book with so many emotions. There were so many levels to Theo and he was such a complex character (even when I wanted to slap him round the head for messing with Claire’s heart!!) that you couldn’t help but love him and want things to work out right with the woman that was knocking him sideways (and blowing apart all of his thoughts that he wasn’t good enough and didn’t need anyone). He had a rotten childhood and a difficult past so found it hard to trust and believe in relationships and love.

Claire was a little more straigh-forward. From a happy family, she was so different from Theo. She loved hard, forgave easily and wanted that happy ever after that she honestly believed it. She had great friends (who I already had a soft spot for having read both their books), didn’t judge people and believed in second chances.

Just when you think things are gonna be okay Theo throws a spanner (or 6) into the works… Can this pair overcome the obstacles in their way, can Claire make him believe in her and what they could have if he stays put?

This book broke my heart a little but I’d have been disappointed with anything less from Ms Harlow! A definite must read IMHO – but I’d recommend reading Man Candy and After We Fall before picking up If You Were Mine

5*



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About the Author:harlow-headshot-color

Melanie Harlow likes her martinis dry, her heels high, and her history with the naughty bits left in. When she’s not writing or reading, she gets her kicks from TV series like VEEP, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, and Homeland. She occasionally runs three miles, but only so she can have more gin and steak.

Melanie is the author of the HAPPY CRAZY LOVE series, the FRENCHED series, and the sexy historical SPEAK EASY duet, set in the 1920s. She lifts her glass to romance readers and writers from her home near Detroit, MI, where she lives with her husband, two daughters, and pet rabbit.

 

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NEW RELEASE ~ Ignite (Savage Disciples MC) by Drew Elyse

 

 

 


Once a Disciple, forever a Disciple.


Ace has been keeping secrets, and not just from his club brothers.
Secrets have a way of coming back to haunt you.
All of his are about to be revealed, whether he’s ready to face them or not.

A Disciple will fight like a savage—even against his past.

When Quinn waltzes into the Disciples’ clubhouse, she’s only after one thing—and it isn’t Ace.
She wants closure, an end to what they started so long ago.
But with the heat exploding, Ace and Quinn are far from over.

When this biker is forced to confront his past, everything will ignite.



Quinn

After our ride, I was silently thrilled Ace brought us back to the house. Max was around, and I didn’t want to be a crappy friend who ditched her after she came all that way just to check on me.
When we walked in, Max and Ham were both there. I had no idea what to make of that, but with both the guys hanging around, I couldn’t ask. Instead, I was stuck agreeing to the invitation for us to order in pizza with them and chill.
“What on it?” Ham asked as Ace and I settled onto one of the couches.
“Pineapple,” Max responded.
Ham pinched the bridge of his nose. “Tell me you’re fuckin’ with me, babe,” he demanded.
She wasn’t. I knew this. In all our years of friendship, we’d never actually shared a pizza. It always came down to ordering two so I didn’t have to choke down the gross concoction she called pizza toppings.
“Just wait,” I warned Ham.
“What the fuck could be worse than pineapple on pizza?” Ace asked.
I looked at Max. “Tell them,” I said with a flick of my wrist, indicating she proceed.
“I like pineapple, olives, green pepper, and some kind of meat, but I’ll take whatever,” she stated, unabashed.
Ham blinked, stared at her, then blinked again. It seemed to drag out for a solid minute. Then he found the response of, “That’s the most disgusting fucking pizza order I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s good!” Max insisted.
“Toots, in what universe do pineapple and marinara go together?”
Did he just call her toots? He totally did. And it wasn’t in a funny, fifties throwback way. He just called her that by rote.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot. I also don’t get sauce on it,” Max enlightened him.
“You get sauceless, pineapple, olive, green pepper, and mystery meat pizza?” Ham verified.
“Yep.”
Ham looked at me with what seemed to be a bit of concern on his face. “Where the hell did you find her?”
I laughed. “We were roommates in college. Randomly put together freshman year.”
He looked between us, then smiled in a way I could only describe as salacious.
“Damn, I am getting a beautiful picture right now,” he said.
I didn’t inform him the actual picture wasn’t all that great. Mostly, we sat around in sweatpants studying or watching Netflix. Why all men thought women being alone together meant the clothes just disappeared, I did not know. If I had to guess, I would probably blame porn.
“Before you start picturing it, I was religious about making sure there was a sock on the door and a warning text, and Quinn heeded both every time,” Max informed him.
That was true. Max gave me as much warning as she could manage before bringing guys to our room, and I was fortunate enough to never accidentally miss any of those warnings and walk in on something I did not want to see.
“Not enough to kill the dream,” Ham muttered.
“Unless she’s held out on me, I’m pretty sure there was no lesbian experimentation either,” Ace added. I gasped and slapped his shoulder.
“Not in the room anyway,” Max muttered.
I gasped again. “Seriously? You never told me that!”
She shrugged. “It was one time at a party. A bunch of frat guys dared us to make out. Nothing special. She was a good kisser, though.”
Ham cursed in a way that made it clear her words offered a mix of pain and pleasure.
“It’s why I let her slide into second base before I shut it down,” Max went on.
“Okay!” I cut in. “How about we get back to the pizza?”
“Buzzkill,” Ham said under his breath.
“Don’t worry,” Max assured quietly, but not quietly enough, “I’ll tell you the whole story later if you’re good.”
“Baby, I can be as good as you fuckin’ want.”
Turning to Ace, I spoke soft enough the other wouldn’t hear. “I don’t think I want to eat meals with the two of them ever again.”
“Noted,” he replied, grinning at my discomfort.
Jerk.
“How insistent are you on the pineapple thing?” Ace asked then, getting Ham and Max’s attention back on us.
“Completely,” she and I both answered—her firm, me resigned.
“No way in fuck I’m eating pineapple on fuckin’ pizza with no sauce,” Ham stated. I was pretty sure that was seconded by me and Ace without asking. He went on. “Not eatin’ pineapple at all.”
“Why not?” Max asked. “It’s good for you. And guys really should.”
“Why?” I had the distinct sense I would regret the question as soon as the word left my mouth.
“Because it’s supposed to make their cum taste sweeter.”
Good Lord. I was right. I didn’t want to know.
“Can we please just order food?” I asked, my face on fire.
Max ended up with a pizza—if you could call her monstrosity that—of her own, while Ham, Ace, and I shared a classic pepperoni.
We’d all finished our meals, with only Max’s pizza having any leftovers, when Daz came striding in.
“Fuck yeah, pizza!” he exclaimed.
He flipped open the box for the extra large the guys had destroyed with only a little help from me, then moved to Max’s, looking at it for a second before asking, “What’s on this?”
We answered, and he stood there for a long moment before shrugging and taking a slice.
“You’re gonna eat that shit?” Ham asked.
“Still food. Besides, pineapple’s supposed to make your cum taste better,” he replied.
“See?” Max cried.
“We both need new friends,” I declared, and Ace laughed. “I’m only kind of joking,” I informed him.
“Think we’re stuck with the ones we’ve got,” he replied, just as Max shouted, “Bitch, you’re stuck with me!”
“So much for being able to pick your friends.”
Ace pulled me in close to his side, until I had no choice but to settle my head against his shoulder. As he did, I watched Max’s face get soft.
Maybe my best friend wasn’t so bad after all.

 



 


 

Drew Elyse spends her days trying to convince the world that she is, in fact, a Disney Princess, and her nights writing tear-jerking and smutty romance novels. Her debut novel, Dissonance, released in August of 2014.

When she isn’t writing, she can usually be found over-analyzing every line of a book, binge watching a series on Netflix, doing strange vocal warm ups before singing a variety of music styles, or screaming at the TV during a Chicago Blackhawks game.

A graduate of Loyola University Chicago with a BA in English, she still lives in Chicago, IL where she was born and raised with her boyfriend and her prima donna pet rabbit, Lola.

 

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COVER REVEAL ~ Undeniable, (Damaged Elite Series #1) by K. Renee

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Undeniable
Damaged Elite, Book One
K. Renee

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Release Date: TBA

Cover Photo by Lindee Robinson Photography

Cover Models: Andy Glass & Ashley Patchak

Cover Design: KLa Boutique

 

Synopsis:

Jagger

She has always been my weakness. The one girl that would ruin me. The only problem? She’s one of my best friend’s little sister. Bresin Prescott, sexiest fucking girl I’ve ever laid eyes on, sassy mouth, quick wit, and a body to kill for. I would kill for her. She is everything I want and more, but is she worth letting my secret out? The one secret that is buried deep can be spilled if I’m not careful. the one Secret that even my rich family can’t protect me from.

Bresin

There hasn’t been a time where I didn’t love Jagger Bishop. I’ve lusted over him for years. One night he made all my dreams come true, but then he pushed me away. His protective streak is still alive and well though. I can’t sleep with anyone else without him becoming my personal pit bull. I want him. He wants me. What is so hard to figure out? One thing I know is that I will always fight for him even if I’m fighting against him.

Add it to your TBR today!


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About the Author:

Renee is from sunny, California. Creative by nature, she decided to put her imagination to paper.
K. Renee is an avid reader. During the day she works in an office and at night she writes. These stories have been in her head for years and are finally coming out on paper.

Links to Author

Website
Twitter
Goodreads


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RELEASE BOOST ~ Dark Protector by Celia Aaron

 

 
 
 
 
Title: Dark Protector
Author: Celia Aaron

 

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Release Date: February 27, 2017
  
 
Blurb

From the moment I saw her through the window of her flower shop, something other than darkness took root inside me. Charlie shone like a beacon in a world that had long since lost any light. But she was never meant for me, a man that killed without remorse and collected bounties drenched in blood.
I thought staying away would keep her safe, would shield her from me. I was wrong. Danger followed in my wake like death at a slaughter house. I protected her from the threats that circled like black buzzards, kept her safe with kill after kill.But everything comes with a price, especially second chances for a man like me.

Killing for her was easy. It was living for her that turned out to be the hard part.

Author’s Note: This is a full-length romance novel. Explicit violence and hot sex included. HEA, no cheating.

 
 

 


 

 
Purchase Links
 
AMAZON: US / UK / CA / AU
 
Free in Kindle Unlimited

  

  



Author Bio
 

Celia Aaron is a recovering attorney who loves romance and erotic fiction. Dark to light, angsty to funny, real to fantasy—if it’s hot and strikes her fancy, she writes it. Thanks for reading.

 
Author Links
 

NEW RELEASE ~ One Wrong Choice by A.M. Hargrove & Terri E. Laine

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One Wrong Choice by A.M. Hargrove & Terri E. Laine

Release Date: March 1st
Genre: Contemporary Romance

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You are cordially invited to witness the union of Jenna and Kenneth…

Isn’t it every woman’s dream to marry the perfect guy?

Mr. Tall, Dark, Rich, and Handsome, the one who waits for me at the altar, is that man.

It’s what my family wants.

For a long time, it was what I thought I wanted, too.

Then I met Brandon, a ruggedly handsome guy with inked up sleeves, who turns my dreams into flames of heat.

What kind of person am I—an engaged woman constantly fantasizing and lusting over her best friend?

When Kenneth is away, Brandon fills all my dangerous desires, even though we haven’t so much as kissed.

I’m torn between doing the right thing, and following my heart.

If I make one wrong choice, I risk losing it all.


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Meet A.M. Hargrove:

One day on her way home from work as a sales manager, USA Today bestselling author, A. M. Hargrove, realized her life was on fast-forward. If she didn’t do something soon, it would be too late to write that novel she had dreamt of her whole life. She slammed on the brakes, made a crazy decision, and quit her job. Then she reinvented herself as a Naughty and Nice Romance Author.

She fancies herself all of the following: Reader, Writer, Dark Chocolate Lover, Ice Cream Worshipper, Coffee Drinker, Grey Goose Aficionado, and #WalterThePuppy Lover. If you’re around her for more than five minutes, you’ll soon notice she has a tendency to talk you ear off.

Meet Terri E. Laine:

Terri E. Laine, USA Today bestselling author, left a lucrative career as a CPA to pursue her love for writing. Outside of her roles as a wife and mother of three, she’s always been a dreamer and as such became an avid reader at a young age.

In her early years, she and her best friend would tell each other stories over the phone when they were bored. They called them their “soap operas” and generally revolved around whatever boy they liked at the time.

Many years later, she got a crazy idea to write a novel and set out to try to publish it. With over a dozen titles published under various pen names, the rest is history. Her journey has been a blessing, and a dream realized. She looks forward to many more memories to come.

Connect with A.M. Hargrove:

Website: http://www.amhargrove.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AMHargroveAuthor

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Amhargrove1

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/amhargroveauthor

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/A.M.-Hargrove/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5338829.A_M_Hargrove

Connect with Terri:

Website: www.terrielaine.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/TerriELaineBooks

Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/TerriELaineAuthor

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TerriLaineBooks

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/TerriELaineAuthor

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14299771.Terri_E_Laine

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Terri-E.-Laine/


NEW RELEASE ~ Delude by Jacob Chance

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DELUDE

By Jacob Chance

 

Release Date: March 2nd

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Now Live

Hosted by: Chance Promotions

 

AMAZON.COM:
AMAZON UK

Synopsis

She wasn’t part of my original plan for revenge, but one glance at her and I was entranced. I followed her for weeks, observing her habits. I’ve been in her apartment numerous times, learning anything and everything I can about her. She’s become an obsession and I’ll do whatever it takes to make her mine.

It’s only a matter of time before I have her where I want her… on her knees and at my mercy.

Soon, there will be no secrets between us.


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Excerpt:

Sobs fill the silence of the room. “Dad, leave mom alone,” I shout, pushing on his chest and shoving him back a couple of feet. Like a tenacious pit bull after a chew toy – this fucker just keeps coming.

Each time he comes back harder, finally snaking by me. Gripping her upper arm in his meaty fist, he digs his fingers deep into her skin, and uses his other arm to block me.

Cries from the pain and the fear he instills mix with the stench of alcohol emanating from his body. His other hand goes to her neck, gripping under her chin. The shriek piercing my ears is cut off when he squeezes.

Her face changes color.

Red. Then purple. Finally, heading into the blue family. Blue’s always been my favorite color, but I can’t say I’ve ever seen this exact shade before. It’s the color of sadness and the ocean of tears my mom has cried over this asshole.

Everything happens fast. Her eyes open wide and bulge as the pressure of his fingers increases.

She can’t breathe and I’m paralyzed standing behind him, watching it happen.

Transfixed with fascination, I stare. Her eyes lock on me, her love shining through the agony she’s experiencing. The terror and pleading in her eyes fades to acceptance.

She knows this time she’s going to die.

Tears flow uncontrolled down her cheeks and a sense of relief washes over me.

This is the last time he’ll ever make her cry.


About the Author:

Jacob Chance grew up in New England and still lives there today. He’s a martial artist, a football fan, a practical joker and junk food lover.

A writer of erotic romance, DELUDE is his latest release.

Jacob plans on writing many more sexy, suspenseful stories.

Author Links:


Jacob’s Books on Amazon

Goodreads

Facebook
Spoiled by Chance Reader’s Group

Twitter

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Newsletter

Website


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PRE-ORDER BLITZ ~ Spy Fall by Audrey Randall


Spy Fall
Author: Audrey Randall
 

Release Date: 3/20/2017

 

 

 

He’s the man with the golden… you get the picture. Delilah Faber is the geekiest woman she has ever met, and that’s saying a lot considering she is a programmer at one of the world’s most famous video game companies. She believes that fate is playing a cruel trick on her by making her best friend, Brandon Ryker, not only the sexiest man she has ever seen, but also one of the CIA’s top agents. If only she could tell him how she feels…


Brandon has been in love with Delilah for years, but feels less nervous at facing the business end of a gun barrel than sharing his passion for her. However, after one particularly difficult assignment, the world is not enough to stop him from making it his mission to make her see that they are meant to be. He will take her shaken and stirred. Will Brandon save her and will they live to love another day?

WARNING: This book is full of over-the-top Bond references. Corny to the hilt, but oh so fun! Let yourself enjoy this fun romp. For your eyes only!



ON pre-order SALE for 99 cents!
Universal Amazon Link: 



He’s the man with the golden… you get the picture.

 
The world is not enough for Brandon and Delilah.
Will they be able to find love?
 
She’s for his eyes only.
Will they find love or only trouble?

 


 

 EXCERPT 1

“Well, frack, I just have to do this,” she sighed, seeming resigned to some mysterious fate.

Closing her eyes she leaned forward with a puckered mouth. At first Brandon wasn’t sure what she was doing, but then as her mouth awkwardly pressed against his chin, he realized she was trying to kiss him. His heart pumped up a few notches, and despite the thugs waiting to take him down, he looped his arm with the gun around her waist and pulled her close. With his other hand, he gently took hold of her chin and aimed her mouth to his. He heard her intake of breath as their lips met and melded. What he hadn’t been expecting was the feeling of electricity coursing through his body. It felt like someone had taken a paddle to his chest and shocked him with all the amps they had. He longed for more, but the scuffle of feet nearby reminded him that they would have an audience in just a moment.

Letting go, he looked at her, “I’ll be back.”

Delilah put a hand to her forehead and pretended to swoon, almost making Brandon laugh.

EXCERPT 2

However, one cold, rainy October day, as he had passed by her house on his way home, he saw that she was sleeping on her porch. She looked so peaceful that he couldn’t help himself but to sneak up to be just a little closer to the most captivating person he had ever seen. He hated to admit it, but she was like a magnet drawing him near. As he approached, he accidently stepped on a twig, waking her. Her deep blue eyes slowly opened and looked into his, he felt his mouth drop open. He was sunk. His heart stopped for a moment and he wondered if it would beat again. Moments later it began again, but with a different beat- Delilah.

EXCERPT 3

As Brandon looked into Delilah’s confused eyes, he felt like he’d had had the wrong purpose for most of his life. He had focused on making himself good enough to one day claim her, but he had missed out on so much. His missions took him all over the world, doing things that people only thought happened in the movies. It was exciting, but also lonely. Especially lonely as he found himself longing for a family of his own. Delilah had always been home to him. She was the one adopted family member that he could count on. Looking at her made his gut twist as he felt that he had missed too much time. Her reaction alone told him that he was losing her trust. He needed to find a way to prove to her that he was there for her. Always.



 


When the world is not enough, it’s time to enter in a giveaway to win a $30 Amazon Gift Card. What will you buy with yours? Of course, it may not be enough to get an Aston Martin, but it sure will buy you a copy of Audrey Randall’s upcoming release, Spy Fall. If you are a fan or erotic romance, sexy spies, and nerdy ladies, then be sure to check it out! (Universal Amazon Link:
)

In order or to enter to win the $30 Amazon card you must:

1) Subscribe to my newsletter and receive a free tryst! 

2) Go to the Facebook event, click on going, and follow the instructions on the post for the $30 giveaway. 

 
**The winner will be announced at the END of the party on March 20th.
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OPEN TO EVERYONE!
 
We look forward to seeing you there! Facebook is not affiliated with this giveaway. There will be only one $30 gift card awarded. If the winner does not step forward to claim their prize within 24 hours of being announced, a new winner will be chosen.
 
 
**Post is located on author page on Facebook.
 

 

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BLOG TOUR ~ Don’t Speak by Katy Regnery

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Don’t Speak by Katy Regnery
is now LIVE and FREE with #KindleUnlimited!


“Swoon. Sigh. Beautiful, gorgeous love story. You renew my faith in true love, Katy Regnery. And a brilliant take off on the little mermaid. People are going to love this one.”
— Mia Sheridan, New York Times bestselling author of Archer’s Voice

Pictue frame on shells and sand background. Copy space.

BUY NOW

Amazon US:
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Blurb:

From New York Times bestselling author Katy Regnery comes a new twist on a beloved fairytale.

In this modern retelling of The Little Mermaid, a fisherman’s daughter from an Outer Banks island untouched by time, meets the son of the North Carolina governor at a fancy party where she is working.

Laire, who wants more from life than her little island can offer, is swept away by wealthy, sophisticated Erik, who is, in turn, entranced by her naiveté and charm. The two spend a whirlwind summer together that ends on the knife-point of heartbreak and forces them to go their separate ways.

Years later, when fate finds them together once again, they will discover the terrifying depth of the secrets they kept from each other, and learn that shattered hearts can only be healed by a love that willfully refuses to die.

All novels Katy Regnery’s ~a modern fairytale~ collection are written as fundraisers. 10% of the e-book sales for in March and April 2017 will be donated.


andnow

Watch the trailer here:
https://youtu.be/G-dQC9j_Zas

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EXCERPT:

(Excerpt from DON’T SPEAK, a modern fairytale by Katy Regnery. Inspired by “The Little Mermaid.” All rights reserved.)

“Hey!”

She heard his voice before she saw him.

Had she known the ultimate cost of that simple glance heavenward, maybe she wouldn’t have stopped. Maybe she would have just kept on walking with her head down. But fate held no warnings for Laire Maiden Cornish.

Shielding her eyes, she looked up at a deck wrapped around the second floor of the mansion, waiting a moment for her eyes to adjust as he came into view.

There, in the glittering sunlight . . . a boy.

No, a man.

A young man, a little older than she, tall and muscular, with jet-black hair and a square jaw, dark brown eyes, and a deep tan. He wore a robin’s-egg blue bathing suit with Kelly green palm fronds in a small repeat and a pair of sunglasses buried in his thick hair. In one hand, he held a phone up to his ear, and in the other, he slowly swirled a glass filled with ice and clear liquid. He stared out at the sound, concentrating on his call.

“Hey!” he yelled. “Can you hear me now?” He huffed with annoyance, pulling the phone away from his ear and squinting at it before trying again. “Pete? It’s Erik. Can you hear me?” He set the glass down on the balcony’s wooden railing and gave his phone his full attention. Staring down at it, he muttered, “Shit. No reception.”

It’s Erik.

Erik.

His name is Erik.

Feeling a sharp burn in her lungs, Laire realized she’d been holding her breath and sucked in a huge gulp of air as she stared up at him, frozen in the moment, utterly mesmerized.

She had never seen a more perfect, more handsome person in her entire life.

The sun glinted off his dark hair and wrapped his body in gold, making him appear godlike so very far above her. Were she the type to swoon, Laire imagined she would have been a puddle of goopy longing on the ground below him, content to sacrifice her pride for a glimpse at his beauty.

Don’t Speak is part of the ~a modern fairytale~ collection, which includes six standalone, completely unrelated novels inspired by beloved fairy tales:


februaryfairytalesteaser5

The Vixen and the Vet (Beauty & the Beast) – available now
Never Let You Go (Hansel & Gretel) – available now
Ginger’s Heart (Little Red Riding Hood) – available now
Dark Sexy Knight (Camelot) – available now
Don’t Speak (The Little Mermaid) – new release!
Swan Song (The Ugly Duckling) – available late-2017


About the Author:

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Katy Regnery started her writing career by enrolling in a short story class in January 2012. One year later, she signed her first contract and Katy’s first novel was published in September 2013.

Twenty-five books later, Katy claims authorship of the multi-titled, New York Times and USA Today Blueberry Lane Series, which follows the English, Winslow, Rousseau, Story, and Ambler families of Philadelphia; the six-book, bestselling ~a modern fairytale~ series; and several other standalone novels and novellas.

Katy’s first modern fairytale romance, The Vixen and the Vet, was nominated for a RITA® in 2015 and won the 2015 Kindle Book Award for romance. Katy’s boxed set, The English Brothers Boxed Set, Books #1–4, hit the USA Today bestseller list in 2015, and her Christmas story, Marrying Mr. English, appeared on the list a week later. In May 2016, Katy’s Blueberry Lane collection, The Winslow Brothers Boxed Set, Books #1-4, became a New York Times E-book bestseller.

In 2016, Katy signed a print-only agreement with Spencerhill Press. As a result, her Blueberry Lane paperback books will now be distributed to brick and mortar bookstores all over the United States.

Katy lives in the relative wilds of northern Fairfield County, Connecticut, where her writing room looks out at the woods, and her husband, two young children, two dogs, and one Blue Tonkinese kitten create just enough cheerful chaos to remind her that the very best love stories begin at home.


dontyousee



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NEW RELEASE ~ Wicked Shadows (Steele Security #5) by A.D. Justice

FROM USA TODAY BESTSELLING AUTHOR A.D. JUSTICE

 
The final book in the Steele Security Series runs the full gamut of emotions.

Meet Devon "Shadow" Kane--the elusive assassin, the covert spy, the man in love.

Dangerous. Deadly. Protective. Alpha.

And way past merely pissed off.

He's on a mission, facing the highest stakes of his career.


Readers say this is hands down the best book of the series.

"I want to forget I ever read it just so I can read it all over again for the first time."

"The whole story is flawless and I couldn't put it down until I was done!!"

"…fantastic dose of suspense thrown in which will have your heart beating out of your chest & also make your heart stop a few times…"

"…you have absolutely blown my expectations out of water with this book…"

"Absolutely freaking amazing!! This book pulled me in and wouldn't let me go!"

"Loved this book so hard. I cried like a baby but had a smile throughout."
 

BLURB

 
Devon “Shadow” Kane chose a life of anonymity the moment he entered the clandestine world of the CIA. His training made him a killer, a skill he has no qualms using.
 
Elle Sinclair, the younger sister of his childhood friend, is far from the girl next door. She’ll be the next big star. She’s also the one he can’t have. The blinding lights of flash bulbs in her celebrity world contradict the stealth and invisibility required in his.
 
Then she’s gone.
Disappeared, without a word or a trace.
A desperate plea for help from her brother tests Shadow’s undercover skills.
 
The stakes are high, and Shadow will risk everything for her. The only two constants in the equation are the threat of blowing his cover and the probability he won’t reach her in time.
 
With peril at every turn, can Shadow and Elle both survive? Or will the wicked shadows surrounding them ultimately cause their demise?
 

BUY LINKS


 
 


HAVEN’T STARTED THE SERIES?
 
No problem! This is the only book in the series that can be read as a standalone.
BUT…if you’re ready to dive into Steele Security, book 1 is FREE for a limited time!
 
 
 
Download Links:

 

 

 

WICKED SHADOWS TEASERS

 


WICKED SHADOWS EXCERPT


PART OF CHAPTER EIGHT

“You look like you’ve been up all night. What did you do? I said to rest and hydrate.” Leslie glared at Elle from around his camera.
“I tried to rest last night, Leslie. The room above mine apparently pulled an all-nighter. They’d stop the music and noise long enough for the manager to threaten to kick them out, then they started up again.” She struck a pose and moved slowly through the constantly clicking of the shutter.
“You should’ve called me. I’ll take care of it right now, though.” He put the camera down and snapped his fingers. On cue, his assistant appeared at his side. “Meechelle, Miss Sinclair needs a new room, with silence and tranquility on all sides. Not around loud revelers.”
A few minutes later, Meechelle reappeared, apprehension covering her face. “Leslie, the hotel is sold out. There are no rooms to move her into.”
“Must I handle everything?” he sighed. “As soon as the shoot is over, you’ll have a new room, Elle.”
She didn’t have the heart to tell him she had no intentions of sleeping that night either. Devon promised he’d stay with her all night. She had twenty days with him, and she planned to make the most of every opportunity she was given. “Maybe the partiers will check out today,” she offered.
“Meechelle, take her to the spa for a couple of hours while I shoot the others. Come back to me when she looks rested and photogenic again.”
Two hours later, Elle emerged from the spa, refreshed and renewed. Leslie and Elle focused on the various moods he needed for the project, directing her into poses and sexy pouts to complete his overall vision.
She felt the change in the air and heard the low murmurs of whispers around the outdoor set. Without visual verification, she knew what had everyone buzzing—or rather, who had everyone’s attention. Devon stepped into her direct line of sight, and their eyes met in an instant.
“That! Yes! That look!” Leslie yelped and moved in for a closeup shot.
Devon watched Elle, ignoring the obvious stares and questioning eyes all around him. In truth, he’d been watching her since she walked out of the spa. His training made him stealthy. Deadly. Invisible, when he wanted to be. He’d been invisible long enough at that point—he wanted her to see him. He wanted to see her reaction, to gauge her response, to read her body language when she was surprised by his presence.
What he got wasn’t at all what he expected.
The look she gave him was more lethal than any he’d encountered. It was deadly to his way of life. The way it struck his core was detrimental to the plans he’d made. The fact that he liked it more than he should warned him to run while he still could.
But he knew it was already too late for that plan to work in his favor. Three weeks. He could handle three short weeks of being exclusive with a beautiful cover model.
Even if she was the younger sister of his friend.
Even if she’d celebrate her twenty-first birthday during their time together, further accentuating the age difference between them.
Even if it meant he had to give up the cover of shadows temporarily and live in her limelight.
“The spa must’ve been exactly what you needed. I’ve never seen you look more beautiful, my dear.” Leslie stepped to the side, the camera all but glued to his face, while another man held Elle’s singular focus. “Oh, honey, I love the fierce look, too. You’re giving me so much to work with today, it’ll be hard to choose just one.”
The smirk covering Devon’s face confirmed he’d heard Leslie, and he knew exactly what prompted the change in her expression. It was bad enough when the buxom sable-haired beauty in the string bikini approached him, but when the overtly flirtatious intruder put her hand on his arm, Elle became irrationally jealous and possessive.
Relief flooded her senses instantly when his response included a gesture toward Elle. The bikini-girl looked over her shoulder, immediately recognized Elle, and scurried away from Devon. Pride over witnessing the small victory swept over her, and Devon’s smirk transformed into a beaming smile.
Smooth, Moore. Real smooth, she thought.
“And that’s a wrap for you, my love. Rest. Hydrate. Come back to me even more gorgeous tomorrow.” Leslie kissed the air on either side of her face and dismissed her when he called the next model into range of his viewfinder.
“I didn’t expect to see you here today.” Elle approached Devon, delighting in the sensation of his eyes heavy on her barely clad skin.
“Where the fuck was that bathing suit when we were on the boat yesterday? It’s probably a good thing you weren’t wearing it. You’d still be held in a secure, remote location where no one except me could find you.”
“Promises, promises.”
He wrapped his arm around her bare waist and pulled her to him. “I’ve warned you about that.” He leaned down and captured her mouth with his, not caring that dozens of cell phone cameras captured their every move. “Let’s go. I have more plans for you today. Do you get to keep the bikini?”
With a chuckle, she shook her head. “Not this time. Are we going back to the boat?”
“That’s not what I had planned, but I’m game if that’s what you want to do.”
“Honestly, I don’t care if we go play Skee-Ball for six straight hours. Just take me with you.”
“Who told you my plans?”
“I’ll never tell. Let me change, and I’ll be ready to get out of here.”
“Shorts. T-shirt. Bikini. Then dress for dinner and dancing tonight.”
She stopped walking, waiting for him to give the punch line of his joke, but none came. “You’re serious?”
“Of course. You’re mine today. Remember? Move that fine ass. You’re wasting daylight.” He playfully smacked her on the ass, making her jump and squeal with laughter at the same time.
“Come on up. I’ll have to pack a bag with all my makeup, hair stuff, shoes, clothes, jewelry—”
“Fine. Start with a bikini, T-shirt, and shorts. We’ll come back here for the rest later. I’m still coming up to your room with you right now, though.”
Devon roamed around her room, making himself at home and checking every nook and cranny of the space while she changed clothes. When she emerged from the bathroom, she found him standing on a chair, checking the smoke detector.
“Everything okay?”
“Absolutely. Just can’t be too careful.” He stepped down from the chair and raked his eyes up and down her. “You could wear a black plastic garbage bag and make it look sexy as hell.”
“Such a sweet talker.” She patted him on the cheek with her palm, accepting any excuse to touch him.
“We need to go now. Or we won’t leave this room at all for a very long time. Then we’ll miss our reservations.”
“By all means, lead the way. I’m curious to see what you have planned for me today.”
“A day you’ll never forget.” He laced their fingers together, picked up her bag, and pulled her into his side after they were through the hotel doorway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It’ll be extremely hard for you to top today. That was so amazing! If we do that every day for the next three weeks, it’d never get old.”
“Hmph.” Devon had sulked since they left the research center.
“Are you still pouting?”
“Yes. Yes, I am.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“You’re not even going to hold my hand now?” She managed not to laugh, but hiding her smile was impossible.
“Nope.”
“He was just so amazing, Devon. I couldn’t help but fall in love with him.”
He cut his eyes sideways at her, his mouth gaped open in shock, and his eyes narrowed in disbelief. “You’re still defending your actions? Unbelievable.”
“But I’ll probably never see him again,” she argued.
The elevator doors opened, and they stepped in together. Devon punched the button for the seventeenth floor and waited for the doors to slide shut. As soon as they were alone, he pinned her to the wall with his body and kept his eyes trained on hers. “For the record, you’re not allowed to have any other boyfriends. Ever. Not when I’m not around. And especially not when I’m there to witness it.”
“But I’ve always loved dolphins…and you’re the one who took me to see him.”
“He got more kisses than I did. That’s not acceptable by any stretch of the imagination. He knew it, too. Did you see how he smirked at me?”
“I saw the smile all dolphins appear to have on their faces. But I don’t think that was a malicious smirk toward you.”
“It’s an alpha-male thing. You wouldn’t understand,” Devon countered.
“Ah, I see. Well, I’ll make it up to you. Just tell me, in alpha-male code, how to do that.”
“I’d much rather show you.” He covered her mouth with his and gently licked across the part in her lips. “After dinner. You’re making us late again, distracting me, and wreaking havoc on my plans. Go shower and get ready, woman. I’ll be back in an hour to pick you up. You’d better be ready, or you’ll be in even more trouble.”
“Yes, sir.” She saluted him in a joking fashion and slid out of his embrace. “Whatever you say.”
Elle rushed to dress for a night of dinner, dancing, and more with the man she’d never been able to get out of her mind. Giddy with excitement, she hurried through her hotel room, threw on a dress and heels, and perfected her hair and makeup. She was putting the last earring in when the knock on her door came. One hour, on the dot. After peeking through the peephole, she flung the door open and grabbed her clutch from the table.
“I’m ready. On time, even.”
Devon quirked one eyebrow upward. “Damn. I was looking forward to your punishment for making me wait.”
Their date night would forever be etched in her memory. Beth was correct when she said Elle’s professional life didn’t leave her much time for a personal life. After their dinner over candlelight, Devon took her to a loud, packed club to dance. Approaching the bouncer, she was seized by fear at the thought of being turned away for being underage. Devon shook hands with the enormous man guarding the roped entrance, leaned in to his ear to whisper something, and stepped back to give the bouncer room to unhook the velvet barrier.
“Come on in, Shadow. It’s been a long time, brother.”
“Thanks, man. Good to see you.”
“Your private room on the third floor is ready when you are. Enjoy.”
Devon tipped his head at the bouncer, put his hand on the small of Elle’s back, and led her through the crowded nightclub with ease. Whether it was his size or his dark expression, she wasn’t sure, but the sea of people seemed to part willingly to move out of his path. The curved staircase leading to the private rooms gave the hopping club an air of glamour and class. They made their way to the third floor, and he led her to their exclusive corner room.
“Shadow?” she asked when he’d closed the door behind them.
“It was my nickname when I was in the service. The bouncer is an old Army buddy of mine.”
A rapid knock on the door was immediately followed by several waitresses entering with trays of drinks and hors d’oeuvres. They placed them on the private bar and left as quickly as they appeared.
“You’ve thought of everything. I was worried they wouldn’t let me in and I’d be mortified after being turned away in front of the crowd outside,” Elle confessed.
“I’d never let anyone do that to you.” He brushed a strand of hair away from her face, his fingers grazing across her skin and heating her from the inside out.
She stepped into him, held his face in her hands, then raised up on her tiptoes to initiate a kiss. When their lips connected, his reaction was tentative at first, but she was undeterred. Swiping the part of his lips with her tongue, she moved in when his mouth opened to her.
At first, she thought she was in control of their encounter. But he quickly proved her wrong. His fingers weaved through her hair, gripping at the roots, and he angled her head where he wanted it. The urgency and demanding nature of his tongue’s caress overwhelmed her senses with a feeling of sheer perfection. When he broke the kiss, she was afraid he would pull away from her altogether, tell her he thought it was a bad idea, and then disappear from her life.
“Let’s have a drink,” he suggested then moved to the trays. He returned with two glasses—a beer mug for him and a glass of Moscato d’Asti for her. “We need a poignant toast.”
They held up their glasses, and she waited for him to continue.
“To old friends reuniting, creating new memories, and never regretting a single moment.”
“To us,” she added.
“Ready to go dance?” he asked after they’d finished their drinks.
“Absolutely. You don’t have two left feet, do you?”
“You just want to insult me again, don’t you? After repeatedly kissing Sammy right in front of me.”
“Sammy. The dolphin,” she clarified.
“Come on.” He chuckled under his breath as he took her hand. “Let’s go dance so I can pretend to accidentally grope you on purpose while we’re on the dance floor.”
“Mr. Kane, if you keep talking like that, you will absolutely sweep me off my feet. You are such a romantic.”
On the dance floor, in the middle of the throngs of bodies writhing to the music, Devon and Elle moved to their own beat. He held her close to him, bumping and grinding, rubbing and caressing, blocking out every other person in the room. A few hours later, the alcohol had been consumed, the food was eaten, and neither could deny where their course would take them next.
“I heard Leslie say you’re supposed to rest and hydrate tonight. I seemed to have single-handedly screwed that up for you. Maybe we should head back to the hotel now.”
“Absolutely,” she agreed. But sleep was the last thing she wanted.
The ride back to the hotel was quiet, each lost in their own thoughts of how the night would end. Or wouldn’t end. When he turned into the hotel drive, the lines separating the valet parking from self-parking loomed before them.
“Valet.” Her single-word instruction was enough to convince him.
They exited the car, and he escorted her into the lobby. With the bank of elevators in sight, she sensed his second thoughts were getting the better of him. She took his hand in hers and faked confidence she in no way felt.
“Come upstairs with me, Devon. Stay with me tonight.”
Without waiting for a reply, she pulled him toward the bank of elevators and pushed the call button. His hesitation had lasted a split second before they stepped onto the elevator. But once he relented after the doors closed, he gave her hope and reinforced her confidence. He wanted her as much as she wanted him, and there was no way in hell she’d let him back out on her after they stepped out of the elevator.
Holding his hand, she opened the door to her room and mentally noted how he hadn’t even attempted to release hers. With the door closed and locked behind them, she turned to face him, meeting his heated stare.
“You’re sure about this?” he asked, though she knew he still unsure.
“I’ve never been more positive of anything else in my life, Devon.”
With a slight shake of his head, he stepped into her and took complete control of her body. “Then I should warn you first. This is my domain, and when we’re in the bedroom, I’m in complete command.”
Her lips parted with her sudden inhale, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes grew wider at his declaration. Waves of shock and excitement rolled through her. “Okay.” Her reply came out as a raspy whisper.


WICKED SHADOWS. Copyright © 2017 A.D. Justice. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, resold, or transmitted in any form without written permission from the copyright holder, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A.D. Justice is the USA Today Bestselling Author of the Steele Security Series, #1 bestselling erotic suspense Dominic Powers duet, the Crazy Series, Immortal Envy, and Intent. She enjoys reading, writing, the great outdoors, the mountains, the beach, and most anything related to water.

When she’s not writing, she’s spending time with her own alpha male character in their north Georgia mountain home. She is also an avid reader of romance novels, a master at procrastination, a chocolate sommelier, a twister of words, and speaks fluent sarcasm.

 

Stalking Opportunities:

COVER REVEAL ~ I’m Only Here for the Beard (The Dixie Warden Rejects #4) by Lani Lynn Vale

 
 

Title: I’m Only Here For The Beard
Series: The Dixie Warden Rejects #4
Author: Lani Lynn Vale
 

Genre: MC Romance
Release Date: May 31, 2017
Photographer: Furious Fotog
Model: Hankins Fitness
 
 
 
 

Sean is a man with needs—needs that a lot of women were ready and willing to fulfill. Yet, the only woman that he wants to fulfill them dumped him for another man. A man who’s a member of his MC and is someone he has to see every single day and twice on Sundays.
He’s bitter and angry. He’s definitely not in the right frame of mind when it comes to dealing with women. Which is unfortunate for his new partner, Naomi, a fresh-out-of-school and totally green paramedic. 
Naomi’s got enough problems on her plate. A brother who’s self-destructive and doesn’t care who he takes down with him. A man who she’s in love with but who doesn’t love her. A job that she hates because it is a constant reminder of what she can’t have.
Desperate to distance herself from her problems, she runs, taking the first job in her field that she finds willing to take on someone with so little experience.
The last thing she needs is a perpetually pissed off partner, especially when he sets her blood on fire.
But life doesn’t ask how much you can handle when it dishes out challenges. It just keeps piling them on until you’ve bested them or you’ve buckled under them.
Sean really doesn’t want to like his new partner, Naomi. He just wants to be left alone to live his life however he damn well pleases and without complications.
Naomi doesn’t care what he wants, she can’t be anything but herself. It isn’t long before she’s breaking down his walls and making him feel again. She’s trying to pull him closer and he’s pushing her away.
It’s not long before Sean sees the error of his ways.
It’s too bad, though, that by the time he realizes she’s the one, Naomi’s already gone.
 
 



 

“What was all that?” he wondered.
I turned to find him standing in the entranceway to my room, watching me zip the final length of zipper.
“Uhhh,” I hesitated.  “Papers I was going over.”
His eyes lit up.
“I know medical supplies when I see them,” he drawled. “I’ve been a paramedic for ten years now, and I was an EMT in the Marines for a few years, too.”
So he realized I was lying to him.
Nice.
What do I say now?
He must’ve realized that I didn’t want to say anything, though, and let me out of it.
“If you don’t want to tell me, don’t tell me,” he drawled.
I bit my lip.
“I don’t want to tell you.”
His grin got wider. “Fine. Let’s go eat.”
“Let’s,” I scrambled up and shoved my phone into my pocket as I headed for the door.
I snatched my purse along the way, which happened to have an emergency supply of supplies needed for stoma care, my Kindle, a few chargers, and my wallet.
“You should really fear for your back’s health when you carry that thing around,” Sean said as he held open the door.
My mouth tipped up into a grin.
“Yeah,” I asked. “I’ll have to file that under my ‘I don’t care’ tab.  It has a lot of shit in it I need.”
“You haven’t read that Kindle once,” he said. “I can see it in there, too. It’s that new Oasis one. Do you like it?”
I walked to the back of the medic, and would’ve picked up the baggie, but Sean started the medic up and put it into reverse before I could.
I bit my lip, wondering if he’d see me take it to the trash or not, and decided to get it when we got home.
I did manage to kick it to the side so it didn’t get ran over, however.
The moment I was in the passenger seat, I let my bag fall to the floor between my feet and tried not to stare at my trash that I’d left in the grass.
Sean didn’t seem to notice, thank God, and backed out of the garage before shutting the door with practiced ease.
“Do you ever let others drive if you’re not in the back?”  I questioned him.
He shrugged. “No.”
My mouth twitched.  “Did you get wet on the way to work today?”
My eyes took in the gray skies that’d been pouring down water for the last six hours.  It’d been raining when I’d woken up and now, four hours into my shift, it hadn’t let up once.
The poor city, I’d heard, wasn’t very accepting of the rain due to a flood that’d hit Mooresville about a year ago. A flood that the people of Mooresville, Alabama were still trying to clean up after.
Luckily, the rain wasn’t meant to continue much past the late evening hours, and it was supposed to dwindle down into drizzling rain—a paramedics worst nightmare—very shortly.
“Yeah,” he grunted. “Though my leather covered me most of the way. I just had to change my pants—which I planned to do anyway.”
“Gotcha. That must’ve been your first forty-five minutes in the bathroom this morning.”
His eyes narrowed as he turned his head and glared at me.
“I can’t help it. It takes as long as it takes.”
My mouth twitched.
“Hmm,” I murmured, reaching down for my phone as an idea hit me.
“Hey, today I saw something on Facebook about a squat potty,” I told him. “Have you heard about that?”
“No,” he grunted. “Can’t say that I have.”
My grin spreading, I pulled out my phone and started typing.
“What are you doing?” he asked nervously.
I batted my eyes at him, causing his own to narrow on my face.
“There’s something weird going on with your eyes,” he said in a monotone voice. “Would you like me to check them out for you?”
I stuck my tongue out at him and went back to my typing.
“Google is my friend,” I informed him, and grinned as I typed into the search bar ‘things that will make you go to the bathroom faster.’
And there, at the very top result, was the Shark Tank invention ‘Squatty Potty.’
I clicked on the first link which took me to Amazon, and started reading the description to him.
“This evolutionary invention is your new best friend.  It will encourage bowel movements, and cut your bathroom time in half.” I stopped and turned my eyes to look at him.  “That’s what you need.”
He flipped me off and continued driving, heading straight for Taco Hell.
“This is a different concept at first, but once you get the hang of it, it’ll become like second nature,” I continued. “What used to take forty long minutes, with butt tingling numbness about halfway through, now is a quick in and out process that you won’t have one single complaint about.  Satisfaction guaranteed!”
He was shaking his head furiously, his cheeks becoming pink.
“You buy that for me and I will literally kill you. I’ll bury your body in the woods outside my parents’ place, too,” he informed me.
I bit my lip and started laughing inwardly as I clicked the ‘Buy It Now’ option on my phone.
In two quick pages of buttons and clicking, I had it shipped next day, and closed my phone.
 


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I’m a married mother of three. My kids are all under 5, so I can assure you that they are a handful. I’ve been with my paramedic husband now for ten years, and we’ve produced three offspring that are nothing like us. I live in the greatest state in the world, Texas.

  
 
 
 

 

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